Mr & Mrs Muki's Answers to Frequently Asked Questions

 

Recently, after hammering out responses to many long-neglected personal emails, it occurred to us that our site could really use a FAQ. In a frenzied fit of verbosity, we came up with this. Here we will try to cover just about every topic we've ever been asked about, from the structure of our site, its tone, its PPV set-up, to much more personal issues like why we do it and just how kinky our sex lives really are. This page is long but we hope it makes an amusing read.

 

"I just found your site. You're sick!"

Fortunately, we don't get this too often (most people who find our site were looking for it). We do try to maintain a healthy sense of humor about it and our feeling is that "if you get it -- great! If you don't -- sorry!" Basically, try not to take any of it too seriously and look at it as a healthy outlet for fantasies that no one should ever actually act out.

"I just found your site and I love it!"

Thank you and welcome to the fold! We hope you will come to feel at home here and we do hope that you won't take any of this too seriously. Just relax and enjoy -- that's what Muki's Kitchen is all about!

"I want to eat a girl. Can you give me any pointers?"

Now this is what we mean by taking it too seriously... Believe it or not, we get these kinds of questions/comments fairly often -- along with the downright scary "What does it feel like to cook and eat a woman?" Frankly, we don't know and we have no desire to find out!

Here's a little spoiler for the gullible: The photos at this site are entirely staged. The girls are professional models, who get paid for posing, and the special effects are achieved with purposely-constructed props and lighting. Nobody ever gets cooked or et at Muki's Kitchen!

"I've had this fantasy for a long time and my lover has agreed to indulge me in a bit of role-play. Can you give us any pointers?"

This is more like it! :-)

First of all, congratulations and prepare to have fun!

In order not to bog this FAQ down so early, we have moved our detailed answer to the very bottom of this page, under "Mr & Mrs Muki's Tips for Cannibal Role-Play!"

"Come on... Is there really a Mrs Muki?"

You bet! We have been married for almost twenty years now and have known each other since high school. While Mr Muki does most of the photography and maintenance around here, Mrs Muki is a very active participant: always sharing her input, editing for content and tone, assisting with the models, and generally having a whole lot of fun. We do it all together -- even writing this FAQ!

"Where does the name 'Muki' come from?"

Muki is the name of one of our cats. We currently have four of them and she was the first. Curiously, they seem to be oddly amused by the steady parade of naked, honey-coated women traipsing through our studio. Go figure...

"I really like your site but, at $15 per portfolio, don't you think it is a little expensive if I want to buy everything?"

It certainly would be! We get this fairly often and our standard response is: Women are rich food -- take it easy! Pace yourself and you will find that buying only one or two portfolios per month will keep the cost down to what it would be if you just subscribed to a site that has regular monthly subscriptions with regular monthly updates.

"Why Pay-Per-Portfolio, instead of regular monthly subscriptions?"

This is a very good question and deserves a detailed answer! (Please excuse us while we go into a very practical, business-like mode...)

When we first started making plans to share our kinky fantasies on the web, we knew that we would need to charge for access and we were fully aware that our work was going to appeal only to a very small and specific group of like-minded people. After carefully considering all of our options we felt that a monthly subscription site would be impractical for the following reasons:

1) We could not be sure of producing enough work to be able to maintain regular monthly updates. Let's face it, if a customer signs up for a website that promises or implies substantial new material every month, they are going to be pretty angry when an update is missed or the new pictures do not measure up to their expectations.

By going PPP, we felt that our customers would be better served, buying only the image sets that they actually wanted. They would know going in exactly how many images they were going to get and the basic story line that was being presented. Best of all, if we had a rough month and didn't get to put up anything new, nobody would be charged for anything that they didn't actually get. In short, it let us off the hook and gave us an escape route if we needed it -- all without taking advantage of anyone!

2) Sites that do monthly subscriptions generally rely on a large volume of new subscribers. This is because it is entirely possible (and even practical!) for a member to join, download everything on the site, cancel, and then come back when there is enough new material to make joining for one month worthwhile again.

Though we admire this sort of efficiency, it would put a serious dent into our ability to finance new work and stay alive. Small, niche-oriented sites like Muki's Kitchen really need to get income for everything they produce. By going PPP, we felt that we could be sure of getting enough buyers of individual portfolios to make the production of new work possible. Also, there would be a very simple democratic process at work here: Portfolios that were unpopular would not sell as well, so we would learn from our mistakes!

3) Conversely to point #2, sites that do monthly subscriptions also rely on the laziness of their customers and the impersonal efficiency of automatic re-billing.

Before opening our site up for business, we actually joined a few adult sites as "research." Canceling subscriptions was never easy. Even when the site owners made a cancel button prominent, the billing provider often required some kind of confirmation. In extreme cases, the Java-scripts for these electronic forms did not work properly with our browser and we were forced to cancel our subscriptions by telephoning the billing provider directly and asking them not to re-bill our card. This was a hassle that we refused to put our own customers through. By going PPP, we get to completely avoid the whole issue of automatic rebilling!

4) Due to point #3, sites that do monthly subscriptions also end up processing a large number of chargebacks -- which makes the billing provider unhappy. When these chargebacks are not processed in a timely manner, the customer becomes unhappy. When the customer complains to their credit card company -- well, you get the idea...

No automatic re-billing means fewer chargebacks and everybody's happier!

5) If a site that has monthly subscriptions gets hacked, or one of their unhappy customers publishes a username/password on some bulletin board, the whole site is compromised for as long as the information remains valid. With recurring billing, that could be quite a while...

By giving our customers adequate time to download the contents of a portfolio and then having the username/password automatically expire after one week, we are at least minimizing the impact of shared access info somewhat. No site is immune to hacking or piracy but when these things happen to a Mom & Pop site, the damage can be devastating. We have heard of instances where small sites simply had to shut down because they could not recover...

There are many more reasons why we feel that Pay-Per-Portfolio is the best billing solution for Muki's Kitchen but we have certainly touched on the main ones here. We hope that this lengthy explanation answers your most pressing concerns.

"My internet access is through WebTV, so the Pay-Per-Portfolio system doesn't really work for me!"

Regrettably, that's just the way it is... For the reasons stated above, we chose to set Muki's Kitchen up the way we have and WebTV just didn't come into our planning when we did so. Only you can decide if it is worth investing in a computer to be able to save the pictures. (Of course, computers are useful for many, many more things than just Muki's Kitchen!) Your only other option is to buy portfolios a week at a time and know that you will need to re-new your access if you wish to view the pictures again -- though that could get pretty expensive...

"I would like to know if I can send payment by mail..."

Yes, now you can! On each portfolio's preview page, you will find a link for snail-mail payment. In addition to being yet another way to get Muki's Kitchen portfolios, snail-mail is also the most anonymous way of getting access (see below).

"I want to buy access but I'm nervous about revealing personal and financial information over the internet..."

We completely sympathize and understand how awkward it may be for some people -- especially with a site like ours! While there is probably not much we can say to reassure you, we promise that we never disclose any information to anyone else. For a more detailed response, please take a look at our privacy page.

"I've been collecting portfolios for a while now and wanted to know if you have a complete list of every portfolio Muki's Kitchen has ever published"

Yes, we do! Please bear in mind that this is only a reference list and, though it does look a lot like our main portfolios page, you can not purchase portfolios directly from this list -- you must choose from the "active" portfolios on our main portfolios page. (The reason we work this way is because setting up the payment scripts for each portfolio is actually quite costly. By working within an established system of 16 active portfolio "slots," we do not have to pay for additional scripting work for each new portfolio.) To see the complete list, click here.

"I haven't seen any updates in Mrs Muki's Bistro. What's going on there?"

We regret to have to inform everyone that we are officailly finished with the Bistro...

The whole idea of putting men on the menu was an experiment for us, done mostly because of the numerous letters that we received from fans who wanted it. Unfortunately, the number of folks who actually signed up was very small and we have not even recovered our costs on the project. We feel that we gave it our best shot but have concluded that the fans of this particular genre are a small but vocal minority. There are simply not enough of them out there to support our investing more time and effort on continuing.

We dropped our links to the Bistro from our navigation bar but you can still see a few of the old pages here. We do want to thank everyone who has supported this project and hope that you will understand our position and our reasons for making this decision.

"Why don't you ever feature men as chefs?"

Call it our personal style and our personal preference... We know that most people who come to our site fully understand that this is all about fantasy -- for those who don't, having women as the chefs (as well as being entrees) adds just one more degree of seperation from reality and makes it all that much more playful. At the risk of sounding like we're lecturing, it is our opinion that there is way too much real-life violence against women and most of it is inflicted by men. Agree or disagree, it is our decision and policy that men will never play the role of chef in any of our photo sets.

"Where do you get your models?"

We lure them into our studio with treats and candy! ;-)

Seriously though, we get most of our models through referrals and the occasional posting on model message boards. As we have stated many times before, the models are paid professionals and most of them look at posing for Muki's Kitchen as a fun and well-paying job. That said, we do sometimes find a model who is "into" the fantasy (whether she was before she came here or got into it as the shoot progressed) and we do find that that helps the photos quite a bit. In the end, it is our policy to treat models with courtesy and respect, as professionals, and this approach consistently gives us the best results.

For a model's perspective on all this, take a look at Zille's wonderful write-up of her experiences at Muki's Kitchen.

"I prefer (insert 'busty/flat-chested/plump/skinny/etc.' here) models. Why don't you feature more of those?"

As we are sure everyone can appreciate, finding models who are willing to pose for Muki's Kitchen is not all that easy. Yes, we do pay a decent wage but sometimes that's just not enough. In the end, most of our models do come through referrals and we mostly work with those that come to us.

Our own feeling is that all types of women are beautiful -- and delicious! ;-)

Along similar lines, we often get requests to "roast" a favorite porn actress or pin-up model. Honestly, chances are pretty good that we really couldn't afford their rates... If a model/actress is getting steady work with mainstream sites, magazines, or videos, she is already demanding a higher wage than we could possibly scrape together. On a personal note: Mr Muki thinks that Danni Ashe is one of the most delicious-looking women on the internet -- and there's no way that we could ever afford to hire her as an entree! :- (

"Where do you get your props?"

Almost all of them are built by us! Here are some examples:

One of our most ambitious props was the giant cannibal pot. Several of our regulars asked for this traditional scene and we wanted to do it well. This first problem for us was strictly aesthetic: We wanted something that looked exactly like the stereotypical cannibal pot -- it had to be big, have a nice round shape, and look just like the sort of thing that you would see in a cartoon. These very requirements led to another problem: From a compositional standpoint, a large, round, black pot would so dominate the frame that every picture would look almost exactly the same! To make things look better, we decided that we needed to have a pot that could also be shot from a high angle (looking down into it) and this meant that we would also need to have some way of lighting it on the inside as well as the outside. Since the water needed to look like it was boiling, we also needed to have a way of making bubbles inside the pot. In short, we needed a jacuzzi that came in the shape of a "traditional" cannibal pot!

Needless to say, nobody had such a prop... We tried calling a half-dozen prophouses and studios in Hollywood, willing to tone down our requirements if they had anything that was even close to what we wanted. The best we could find was a studio that had a real cast-iron cauldron -- but it was not shaped very nicely and was so heavy that they insisted we provide a large truck and forklift before we could rent it. On top of that, the rental fee was way beyond our budget for a single shoot. That meant we needed to build it...

We began by drawing what we wanted on graph-paper and working out the basic dimensions and shape. Then we bought sheets of modeler's foam and cut them into various-sized disks that we stacked and glued to make a rough stair-stepped version of the pot we had drawn. After that, we sanded this basic structure down to get the curves right. (We had to build a kind of giant potter's wheel, with a sanding edge, to get the roundness smooth.) Then we carefully spackeled and sanded more. When this part was done, we had a solid, white, lightweight "plug" that could be used as an inside mold for casting out of fiberglass. We took this to a shop that specializes in props for movie productions and had them apply strips of epoxy resin-soaked fiberglass to the outside of our foam pot. After the resin had completely set, we dug the foam out of the inside and were left with a translucent, pot-shaped tub -- much like a raw bathtub enclosure. This was painted with a thick, stove-pipe black paint, leaving a small portion unpainted (which would act as a window for our lights). To make the pot "boil", we set a ring of copper tubing into the bottom of it, which was drilled with lots of small airholes, hooked up some clear vinyl hose, and attached it all to a powerful air compressor.

If all of this sounds like a lot of work, it's because it was! In the end though, we got a prop that we could use over and over again and which was versatile enough to help us get every shot we wanted. We had to go through pretty much the same process for building our girl-sized oven, our barbecue grill, the giant wok, and all of our roasting spits. Even simple-looking props, like the long serving dish we have used in so many scenes, had to be built. Small props, such as the anal thermometer also had to be designed from scratch and carefully built to be safe and sane (it has interchangeable shafts and tips, to make it look pretty wicked when it is first picked up but not uncomfortable when inside the model).

About the only prop that we did not have to build is the stainless steel worktable that has appeared in several of our shoots -- it was purchased at a restaurant supply store.

"Where do you get your ideas?"

From the deep, dark recesses of our twisted little minds ;-)

Actually, this isn't the sort of question that regular visitors need to ask (they already know!). It's more the type of thing that first-timers are curious about -- which is no problem...

The whole cannibal-fantasy thing is quite personal for us and these ideas really are floating around in our minds all the time. While we basically stick to what we find erotic, we also consider requests for scenes, listening carefully to suggestions and trying to incorporate any interesting ideas into our sets.

Here are a couple of points to keep in mind if you are thinking about writing us with a suggestion: One thing that needs to be remembered is that individual fantasies are often very specific but also very unique. That is, what turns one person on may be so specific that no one else would share the fantasy in exactly the same way. Since we need to appeal to a broader audience (within the obvious limits of such a niche), we try to make our scenes a little generic, with just enough interesting details to keep things exciting for everyone.

Another important point is that requests for scenes need to be realistic and they need to fit within the basic tone that we have established for Muki's Kitchen. In other words, we can't afford to fly a cast of 12 models to Tahiti for an island-beach-barbecue scene and we won't show images that depict the violent aspects of cannibalism in graphic and gory detail.

"That reminds me, why don't you show a little blood? After all, we all know exactly what you are implying when you show your models suspended upside-down, with their eyes staring and their tongues hanging out..."

Yup, you've got us there. We have been accused of a certain amount of hypocrisy and, when it is put that way, it's pretty hard to defend our no-gore policy...

Our first answer is that it's just our style. Since we're not exactly getting rich doing Muki's Kitchen, we feel justified in only doing what we are comfortable with and what we enjoy. It has to be fun for us or there's no point in doing it.

It should also be remembered that not everyone wants to see blood and gore. For everyone out there who would like to see our scenes get a little more graphic, there is someone who thinks we should cook our models alive and someone else who likes them just the way they are! We can't please everyone, so we just please ourselves.

For those who would like a little more graphic necro in their cannibal fare, there are always websites like Annabelle's Fantasy and Club-Dead. (We've traded emails with both sites' owners and, though we are all technically competitors, we also have an understanding of mutual respect.) But remember, while these other sites emphasize the blood and killing, they do not show the level of anatomical explicitness (how's that for a euphemism ;-) that we do! So it looks like you just have to take your pick...

Finally, it could be asked "Why isn't there a site that combines my favorite aspects of both?" That we will leave to some other enterprising soul out there -- but a word of caution is in order: when extreme violence and explicit sex are combined into the same scene, you are opening yourself up to some very unpleasant scrutiny from some very humorless authorities... Muki's Kitchen hasn't been hassled so far and we think that it is due in large part to the tone of our site, the humor with which we present our taboo subject, and the fact that we don't cross a certain unspoken (but very well-understood) line.

 

Mr & Mrs Muki's Tips for Cannibal Role-Play!

We often get questions, from both men and women, asking for advice on how to re-create some of the scenes in our photo-sets -- for the purpose of enhancing sexual intimacy and playfulness. While we hardly claim to be experts here, we are happy to share what we can. Before we begin, we do need to put forth a little disclaimer: We are not sex therapists and whatever advice we give here is based strictly on our own practical and personal experience -- your mileage my vary... Here's our best shot:

Mood: Nothing says "cannibal" better than the proper lighting and music. Candles and oil lamps are perfect for this, though we have also had great luck with orange-colored light bulbs and flicker lights (like the kind used in chandeliers). For music, try raiding your favorite CD store's international section; specifically Hawaiian, Tahitian, and Polynesian selections. Our personal favorites are island drums but you may have other preferences. One other suggestion, do keep both the lights and the music low, so as to enhance (but not detract from) the experience.

Setting: While plastic mattress covers will keep the mess down, they really don't add much to the atmosphere. A table will work better than the bed for acting out these fantasies and raw wood will feel more natural than a finished or modern surface. We purchased a round, pine-block disk from a building supply store several years ago and have used it extensively ever since (you can see it in our B&W samples and in many other portfolios). It's not as soft as the bed but it definitely enhances the fantasy! To support it, we initially used one of those mini-trampolines that you can find at sporting goods stores.

Bondage: Let's begin with some common sense and state the standard rule of safe-and-sane bondage: establish a "safe word" and respect it. If your partner gets uncomfortable with the situation at any time, he or she can say that word and you must agree to stop immediately and release them!
- - - Our own preferances lean toward a more natural binding material and we have found 1-inch tubular webbing (the kind used by rock climbers) to be the most comfortable and appropriate. It can be purchased by the foot at any well-stocked sporting goods store.

Basting: We often get questions about what we use to butter our models and we can unconditionally recommend a specific product -- coconut oil! Most other skin-care and vegetable oils have a sticky characteristic to them. Try this with any other type of oil: smear a little onto your skin and then lift your fingers off gently. You will probably feel a little "stick" and your fingers will pull away with a slight "tsk!" sound. Pure coconut oil (available at good health-food stores) will not do this. It remains very slippery and, as a side benefit, it is very good for the skin!
As for honey, it may be messy but it sure is fun! One nice benfit: it dissolves easily in water and our models experience no problems getting it all off in the shower.

Stuffing: Ahh yes, the fun stuff... First of all, everyone should keep in mind that all of the stuffing items we use in our photos are purpose-built props, made with the safety and comfort of the model in mind. Inserting anything into the vagina or rectum should be done carefully and with fore-thought. Cleanliness is the most important issue here: wash, wash, wash!
- - - Women who are prone to yeast-infections should be especially careful about allowing fruit to be used in the vagina (we use a realistic-looking latex banana for our photos). A condom can be used to make the garnish "insertion-safe."
- - - Be very careful about anal stuffing (you don't want your toys to wind up in some hospital's "ass-drawer!" ;-) Common sense rules here: don't move anything from the rectum to the vagina (hygiene) and do not insert anything that you will have trouble removing. While the following may not be as satisfying for the chef, we suggest the use of a purposely-made butt-plug (available at most "adult toy" stores) and rigging it up so that a small fruit or veggie of your choice can be tucked inside of it. These devices are very safe and, when used with the proper care and lubrication, are not uncomfortable to take in.

That is about all of the practical advice we feel qualified to give. Have fun and remember to always play safe!

--Mr & Mrs Muki :-)